5 days and counting

Good afternoon,

Well this morning I attended my pre-operation appointment. With only 5 days until my hip replacement op (this Saturday) today was the proper countdown starting.

I had a ECG, blood and urine tests, MRSA tests, chats with the nurses of what will happen, physiotherapy, occupational health professional and it felt like anyone else who had a part in Saturdays operation and recovery thereafter.

I have to say I was dreading this morning but the nurses were very nice and it went very well. However, what this morning did confirm is what has been building up in my now for the past 12 weeks since I was first told about this operation. How massive it feels, how much of my independence I have to give up (granted just for the short time) but more than feels comfortable.

I have as you probably have guessed tried as best as i can to prepare for almost every eventuality although the one thing I can't really prepare for but seems to be the thing I am struggling with the most is the lack of independence, that combined with the harsh reality that my vanity is going to take a major bashing for the next 9 weeks. And I agree its not really that long, however, its long enough.

So I will post again before saturday at which point I am sure my anxiety will be at it's peak. I must keep repeating to myself "this is for a good purpose, the pain will be gone"

My head is empty

Evening folks,

It seems like its been a while, but really it hasn't been that long since my last entry, only last week. A strange thing is happening to me in that time is speeding up and the very moment that I wish it to slow down.

It's two weeks tomorrow until my operation and this morning I had the first of a few appointments with a clinical psychologist to go over 'where my head is at'. I've never experienced anything like that before and have had subsequently the worst headache all of today following the meeting.

We went over my thoughts about the operation, what I wanted to get out of it, what I thought a good result would look like, how would I measure the success of the operation etc. Some of the questions were thought provoking and others really hit a nerve. They suggested in the meantime I write a 'thought diary' which in someways what I am treating this as.

Last Sunday was awful, I was so blue and overwhelmed and couldn't think of anyone who I could confide in about how I was feeling. I honestly thought what I needed was a weekend to myself and in fact, having so much time on my own lead me to 'wallow' which I now realise is really not helpful. This weekend I have some plans and am hopefully that I wont get melancholy again.

On the plus side I have purchased a foam memory mattress topper, apparently I will benefit enormously from this when I can only sleep on my back. I have also had to source 'letter cages' to ensure I don't bend down. How fun this will be!

OK, I am off to chill out and watch a movie, thanks for just letting me share.

Take care.

Just another day

Good Afternoon,

I am currently off work for a couple of days. I have a new shower being fitted at the moment which will make things better post operatively. So how am I feeling today? Well ok it has to be said. I have an appointment tomorrow to check out 'where my head is at' which I am sure by tomorrow morning I will be a bit more freaked.

I have had a nice weekend and only occasionally thought about the fact that its now less then 4 weeks till the operation. I am managing to occupy my evenings and weekends which is helpful. However the middle of the night is still a problem time for me.

I do however look very much forward to a time when I will have a peaceful sleep, I am sure it will come. I also have a great support network around me.

My own organisation skills have I have to say surpassed even my expectations. So far its all going according to plan. I will as always keep you posted.

For now, take care and be good,

P