Less than six weeks to go now and last week seemed to be an OK week, today I have the day off and instead of enjoying the day off and doing all the things I have wanted to do, I am feeling so blue.
I am struggling to not start crying at the drop of a hat and have suffered the inability to decide exactly how to spend today. My most favourite thing to do is to go to the movies, I used to do it while I was studying for my exams. It was and still is the only way I can get out of my own head and today, I most definitely need to get out of my own head.
I am finding the most trivial of things are bugging me or making me want to burst out crying - I know how absolutely drama queenish of me!
I suppose in hindsight it would have been easier or me to go ahead and get my op straight away, if wasn't a option for many reasons and while the time to plan has been most welcome. The downside is their is a lot of time to think, think about what lies ahead, to feel selfish if you think someone doesn't understand the mammoth task ahead of me, to be fully aware of the recovery I need to go through and the whole time being so unbelievably alone.
I have an amazing support network but for all the people who are able to support me, its only me that can get my mindset in the correct position prior to surgery and then again after it, its only me who can rehabilitate myself and for the very most part thats fine, but for today its just so overwhelming.
So thank you for letting me vent:-)
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