Let all the blues come

Less than six weeks to go now and last week seemed to be an OK week, today I have the day off and instead of enjoying the day off and doing all the things I have wanted to do, I am feeling so blue.

I am struggling to not start crying at the drop of a hat and have suffered the inability to decide exactly how to spend today. My most favourite thing to do is to go to the movies, I used to do it while I was studying for my exams. It was and still is the only way I can get out of my own head and today, I most definitely need to get out of my own head.

I am finding the most trivial of things are bugging me or making me want to burst out crying - I know how absolutely drama queenish of me!

I suppose in hindsight it would have been easier or me to go ahead and get my op straight away, if wasn't a option for many reasons and while the time to plan has been most welcome. The downside is their is a lot of time to think, think about what lies ahead, to feel selfish if you think someone doesn't understand the mammoth task ahead of me, to be fully aware of the recovery I need to go through and the whole time being so unbelievably alone.

I have an amazing support network but for all the people who are able to support me, its only me that can get my mindset in the correct position prior to surgery and then again after it, its only me who can rehabilitate myself and for the very most part thats fine, but for today its just so overwhelming.

So thank you for letting me vent:-)

Six weeks and counting

Six weeks to most people can be ages away. It's a month and a half, 42 days and an eternity to me. I am hip chick and in 42 days and possibly by this time in the afternoon I will be dosing in and out of consciousness following surgery. I am having total hip replacement surgery for the first time.

Its been 3 weeks since I was told the news and its taken this time to get my little head wrapped around the fact that I need to go ahead with this surgery. With my mind circling round so fast and so often I wanted to put something down to help me come to terms with my thoughts and feelings before, during and after surgery.

Why blog, why not! If someone comes across my crazy lady ramblings then brilliant, if they get something from it, fantastic. If not thats fine too. I am I must admit doing this for purely selfish reasons as I need to get out these things or I do feel I will explode.

So if you fancy it, going me and feel free to get in touch with comments or words of encouragement and support.